Visceral Reflexes

My parents are visiting from Los Angeles, CA. It's been great to see them, but no family visit is without its emotionally triggering moments.

Last night, Iron Skillet came home from work utterly depressed. She was crying in bed last night, lamenting the absence of meaning in her life. We stayed up late, trying to lighten the mood, realizing that we are both so strapped by our current lives.

This morning, I had an emotionally difficult conversation with my mom on the phone. My mom and dad are visiting Michigan for the week. I was supposed to have my family over for cocktails tomorrow evening, but had to cancel because I don't have time to play host.

My folks haven't been to my apartment very much and I was looking forward to having everyone over. I knew they were planning a return trip next month, after my exams. This morning, my mom told me they would be returning during my final exam week. DURING. Meaning: I'm totally useless. Can't relax around my family. Can't socialize. Can't host a cocktail party. They are leaving the day after my final exams.

Okay. I can roll. I've dealt with bigger blows. "Well, Lara," I asked myself, "what CAN I do?"


I can shore myself up. After hanging up with my mom (I was really only mildly upset), I sat down to watch a lecture on taste and smell. Because I CAN study! The lecture began. The first slide appeared: a diagram of the taste bud.

I tried so hard to concentrate. But listening to the professor go on about the minutia of taste buds, it felt so unimportant. I stared at the screen and started to cry. Studying while emotional is like driving drunk. You might think you're fine, but you're actually heading straight into oncoming traffic.


"Don't let it get to you," I kept telling myself. "Focusfocusfocus." I have a bad cold. I feel so disappointed. I had nothing to grasp onto but taste buds. TASTE BUDS. It got to me.

Because I'm human, not a machine. Because I can only memorize so many bodiless facts before I start to feel like a hollow shell of a student. Because school can often feel more like hazing than like education.